Week 2 ( A little late, I'm sorry!)

Week two has closed and I apologize for not blogging on Friday like I said I would, but I had to work that day and I had plans to go out with some friends that night. Don't fret though because I weighed myself before I went into work that day and wrote it down. That bit will come at the end as you know. Today I wanted to talk a little bit about what it is like to be an overweight person. This is more so for the people who have never been overweight a day in their lives, someone who doesn't really have a clue what we as people go through. I am not saying that they cannot connect with us at all, it is just the phrase "walk a mile in their shoes" should be applied here in order to completely understand.

Being overweight almost my whole life, a whole 22 years, I have never know what it feels like to be what my culture at this day in age calls "Skinny". I could blame it on several things if I wanted to because I have thought of these things over time. I could blame it on the junk food I was always given instead of a decent meal. I could blame it on the mini pecan pies my Grandfather would have waiting on me after school everyday. I could blame it on not sticking to a sport in school growing up. I could blame it on my parents for not making me eat the way I was supposed too. I could blame it on some hormonal imbalance in my body that is keeping me from reaching my slim potential that I want to achieve. But it all comes down to ME. It is I who ate those pecan pies. It is I who didn't stick to sport. It is I for not always eating the way I should and snacking on junk food. It is I who thought that if I did have some kind of hormonal imbalance then being overweight would be okay because it wouldn't be my fault. The not so shocking truth is that it is my fault! Only I can fix my faults. Only I can do what so many people wish to do and to be. Only I can lose the weight and achieve a level of satisfaction with my body that I have never had.

To those who have never been above a size 12 in your life, you couldn't imagine what it is like to be a size 18 or 20 or anything beyond that. You couldn't imagine all the things you CAN'T do just because of your weight. At a size 18 you stop fitting into the seats at amusement parks and fairs so either you squeeze into them and endure horrible pain and embarrassment from the park attendant having to help you squeeze into the seat or you don't ride the ride at all and watch your friends have all the fun. Being overweight you hate to go shopping for clothes, at least I do anyway, because every time you try on something and it doesn't fit or it makes you look fatter you want to cry your eyes out and throw the stool in the fitting room at the mirror. You hate going "out" with the girls or really "out" at all because you feel like you are this giant whale that everyone wants to come and poke and stare at. Don't even think you will want to go out "dancing" and anything that will catch attention to you, especially when the people you are with are 3 times smaller than you. You just feel like holing yourself up in the house and never wanting to come out. But there is a problem with this, I love to be outside in the nice weather. I love the sun! And I love to swim! But I fear that if I don't get down a couple of sizes in the next few months I will not be getting in a bathing suit this year. The thought of it makes me cringe. Lets not even get started on the self conscious feelings in the bedroom ladies, because I know I can't be the only ones. Women are already self-conscious to begin with, without adding being overweight to the equation. That is a hard thing to get over.

I am tired of feeling all these negative things about myself which is why I am serious when I say I am going to lose all this weight. I want to eventually weigh 140lbs in the end, after everything is said and done with. In case you haven't been paying attention that is 130lbs less than I am now. That is a lot of weight. Also that is almost half of what I weight now. I am trying not to get discouraged because these things are in need of some positive light. I am tired of not fitting into rides and amusement parks and I'm tired of not being able to enjoy shopping. I love shopping for everything else except clothes but I could bet you that I would love shopping for those too if I looked decent in them.

Okay, enough of that, I am making myself more depressed by the minute with all that talk. How have I been doing is probably what you really want to know. Week 1 of complete sugar cleanse has been a success. I have not eaten any cakes or candies or ice cream in 2 weeks actually. I haven't had a glass of tea or anything other than water as well. I am not going to lie it has been hard, and of course when you give up sugar everyone starts bringing the sweet things to work. Last Monday we were bought donuts at the store for all of our hard work, I was tempted, but I didn't have one. Wednesday there were cupcakes and cake in the break room, but I didn't have any. Friday I went out with some people and they all got delicious looking dessert, but I didn't have any. I wanted to break and give in, but I didn't. My feelings were hurt along the way, but I am not going to go into that because it is pointless to do so.

I wanted to get on the subject of viewers for a minute. I have noticed that I have had a lot of views of my blog and that's great but I think everyone is just being shy. No one want to make the first comment? I need to hear your thoughts too. I am not just doing this to type to myself. I am wanting to hear what my viewers have to say. I know you are reading so lets hear your input on the subject. I want to gain more followers not scare them into not voicing themselves. I don't want to just feel like the weekly gossip by no one writing anything. Come on people let me know what you have to say, because I know you are there!

I am going to end this entry the same way I have been with my weight and such. Again this is from Friday and I plan on weighing in again this upcoming Friday as well. Thanks for the patience with me.

Weight: 267.8 lbs
Fat %: 48.6
Water %: 32.5
Muscle %: 20.5
Calories Suggested: 1738

Last week:
Weight: 270.6lbs
Fat %: 48.9
Water %: 32.2
Muscle %: 20.3
Suggested Calorie Consumption: 1720

Weight: -2.8lbs
Fat: -.3%
Water: +.3%
Muscle: +.2%

Total Weight Loss So Far: 7.6 lbs
Weight left to lose: 127.8 lbs

How about that?

Katelyn